Humble roots and rednecks

I was born a poor black child in Arkansas. Since being "rescued" last April, I have become considerably spoiled. I get a small but delightful share of certain table scraps, plenty of play time, a family that loves me even when I'm a pain in the ass. Mummy and Daddy are really concerned with exposing me to science and culture, and I've even developed a taste for coffee.

Daddy makes fun of Arkansas as a backward, redneck filled strip of land between a rock and a hard place, and threatens to send me back when I misbehave particularly badly. He's half-kidding about Arkansas, of course, but he says there's morons everywhere. As it turns out, there are backward rednecks in Colorado, to as this article describes:

Man hospitalized after putting fireworks in coffee grinder

Trailer park resident Sean Michael Ogden, 19, attempted to blend fireworks to make larger fireworks when the mixture exploded, causing serious burns. The victim once saw something on the Internet showing how smaller fireworks could be altered to make big fireworks, says a fire official, and he tried to replicate that. A fire inspector who lives about a quarter-mile away said the blast shook her house.

Hegelian Dielectric

Today daddy taught Frunobulax about philosophy and electronics. As it happens, there was a fellow named Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831), a German philosopher who did not talk to his horses. His thesis on capacitance, written in Swahili while under the influence of French wines, caused a splash in the scientific and theosophical worlds. Shortly after the third publication of his book ''Thesis, Antithesis, Synthesis: HowTo Store Electric Charges Using Vedic Principles of Electromagnetic Theory" in Hebrew, scores of blonde Asian hotties banded together with Madame Blatavsky to form the American Theosophical Capacitance Society (inebriation optional).

The Capititative Principle posits that if you feed raccoons while hanging upside down, a force Hegel called "frenzied catastrophic pressure" (rasenden katastrophale Druck) is built up between the food object and the raccoons mouth. Thus was born one of the pillars of modern Western philosophy; the Hegelian Dielectric.