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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Citizen Frunobulax

As a canine living with 6 cats, I have some experience with their ways. They're fun to chase, and a couple of them even play with me. Boudica does this thing when she hooks her claws into the floppy loose skin of my flews (those are roughly analogous to the human upper lip, sometimes called the snout). She stretches the loose skin, and according to my daddy it's hilarious.

So, check out this cat in the picture. Some balls, eh? It that a fucking eagle?!

Who Is Citizen Frunobulax?

I, a lone wolf reporter bent on uncovering truth, humor and odd shit, am Citizen Frunobulax, and this is the first column so named. Pardon me as I chew on my ass for a moment...

As an observer of humans, I never fail to be astonished by their ideas and behavior. Here, Citizen Frunobulax relates some tales of silly shit that humans do.

Next!

Modern times have come to China — religious teachers must now fill out a government application before they can be reincarnated.

The decree, passed in 2007, requires that applications be submitted to four different government bodies. “The selection of reincarnates must preserve national unity and solidarity of all ethnic groups, and the selection process cannot be influenced by any group or individual from outside the country.”

“Work out your own salvation,” said the Buddha. “Do not depend on others.”

Devil’s Advocate

Calling Halloween “the devil’s holiday,” in 1986 Ralph P. Forbes of London, Ark., filed suit to prevent the public schools from letting kids wear costumes to school.

He filed the suit on behalf of himself, all Christian children, and Jesus Christ. The defendants included the Arkansas Department of Education, “high priests of secular humanism,” and Satan.

U.S. District Judge George Howard Jr. continued the case, whereupon attorney John Wesley Hall Jr. offered to represent Satan pro bono. He pointed out that the Dark One doesn’t transact business, own property, or commit torts in Arkansas, and asked the judge to drop him as a defendant.

The Chicago Tribune reported drily that “efforts to reach Satan for comment were unsuccessful.”

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